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it isn't christmas anymore D:

how 2 get in CONTACT

terrehaute

some MUSIC i've been listening to :3

music i physically own: angry salad - angry salad, afi - shut your mouth and open your ████, gator nate augustus - only child family band, the doors - the soft parade, wham! - make it big, rem - murmur, rem - monster, aretha franklin - a rose is still a rose, chumbawamba - tubthumper, van morrison - astral waves, spin doctors - homebelly groove, ac/dc - dirty deeds done dirt cheap, ███ ██████ and the wailers - survival, zee and zoe - window of dues, shannon mcnally and hot sauce - coldwater, porno for pyros - porno for pyros, steve harris - a confidential balance in time, the forester sisters - come hold me, parliament - mothership connection, eric duncan - my hearts in scotland, hampton hampster - the hampsterdance song, tag team - 2 different discs of remixes of whoomp! there it is, muddy waters - i'm your hoochie coochie man, primus - pork soda, pink floyd - dark side of the moon, pink floyd - wish you were here, queen - a day at the races, a steely dan compilation, beyonce - crazy in love, nsync - celebrity, nsync - no strings attached, twelve girls band (? it seems to be a classical orchestra), cher - believe, sugar ray - music for cougars, mariah carey - valentines, billy joel - piano man, tracy chapman - crossroads, salt n pepa - brand new, tracy chapman - new beginnings, bob dylan - blonde on blonde, the beatles - sgt. pepper's █o███y hearts club band, k.t. oslin - 80s ladies, the beegees - children of the world, pink floyd - echoes, enrique iglesias - sad eyes (single), an elvis country compilation, a grand funk railroad compilation, a joe walsh compilation, an aretha franklin compilation, black sabbath - paranoid, hall & oates - seasons, the dazed & confused soundtrack, a hall & oates compilation, 2 copies of the soundtrack to o brother, where art thou?, brett dennen - so much more,

awsum LINKS

my itch.io page for games i will never make

discmaster is an archive of old CD-ROMS and is a great resource for kitbashing assets into new projects. made in collaboration with the internet archive.

mogami is a collection of various pieces of writing. some are deranged :D

scratchware is a manifesto from 2000 decrying the sorry state of the games industry, with a proposed solution that's errily similar to modern indie games. the ███████quote made me laugh.

i make art!! :D

check it out on fedi until i get a gallery set up

reasons why bikini armor is awesome, actually

  • Sexy characters are awesome :D
    • (This is the only needed reason.)
  • Uhhhh woman pretty?!?!?
  • It's cool if men and genderqueer people wear bikini armor too though!!
  • What if they do a big action, like swinging a sword, and their boobs jiggle? :O Boobs are so cool!
  • Actually, I'll make that its own reason. Boobs are cool!!!
  • Trans dudes could wear bikini armor to show off their sick-ass mastectomy scars :3 Trans dudes are cool
  • I know the Galls didn't actually fight naked, but... what if they did?! :O What if they fought almost naked hehehehehehehehehhe
  • I know this is only tangential to bikini armor, but fat people can fight too! People may be fatter now thanks to advances in agriculture and global trade, but they can still kick ass!
    • I say this partially because boobs are fat and big boob is big fat and you can't have big booby without big fat so I think more fighters should be fat.
  • Respect your elders! Red Sonja kicked butt long before any of you were around to complain about her >:(
  • "Ooh but it's impractical!" As though aesthetics mean nothing in low-tech warfare. I guess the Aztecs just used howling death whistles for shits and giggles, huh?
    • Also, the best defense is a good offense. A badass fighter shouldn't be hit often enough to need big chunks of metal on every square in of their body.
  • Maybe they are actually fighting nude but need something to cover their giblets due to censorship. One day, Batman's bat-cock will fly free. :(
  • It's good in MMOs because those are costumes that a player can choose to wear. Some people want to feel sexy!!
  • Have you ever seen Eric Schwartz's Red Sh█tland cartoon? It's a fun watch! Furry Red Sonja marry me please orz
  • "Male gaze" is an inherently hetero-normative term. If someone brings the "male gaze" up to you, make your work more gay. Gay the cray away!
    • Extra points if they're British and you make your story more trans :P

A Game I Made in High School

Back in high school, I made a hybrid paper-video game to help pass the time. This game was designed around the materials that I would usually have access to, namely, a notebook, a pencil, and a calculator that had a random number key, and could be played solitaire or in a group.

  1. Draw a random, vaguely cave or dungeon-like map. It cannot have any "exclaves" or areas that are inaccessible to the player.
  2. Cut the map up into a number of distinct sections. Label each section with a number between 0 and 1, excluding 0 and 1.
  3. Mark two points on the map, one for the player's entrance, and another for the player's goal (exit, treasure, etc.). Players may have multiple goal points, where they have to travel to every one to win.
  4. On a scorecard, mark the player's health (starts at 100), damage (starts at 10), and inventory (blank).
  5. Gameplay is as follows:
    1. The player travels in any direction at a set distance (1 in., but can be adjusted for balance). Mark a line from the player's previous point to their current point.
    2. Upon the player's travel, roll the random number on a calculator and discard all but the last digit (the ones place).
      • If the number is less than or equal to 5, nothing happens and the turn ends.
      • If the number is 6, add a health potion to the player's inventory.
      • If the number is 7, add 5 points to the player's damage.
      • If the number is 8 or 9, initiate a fight.
        1. Create another scorecard to record the enemy's health.
        2. Choose a random enemy. If an area has a separate list of enemies, choose from them. Add their name and health to the enemy scorecard.
        3. Each round of a fight, player may choose between attacking or using an available health potion.
          • Player damage is calculated by taking their damage value, multiplying the value by 1 + section value, then multiplying again by the calculator's random value, keeping only the first digit and dividing by 10 and adding 1. Resulting value should be rounded to the nearest integer.
          • For example, if a player has 25 damage, in a section with 0.4 boost, and rolls a 9, their damage output would be 67.
          • Enemy damage is calculated the same way but the section boost is only 0.5 + section value.
          • For example, an enemy in the same scenario as the player would do 43 damage.
        4. Enemies will always choose to attack.
        5. Write down the new health values on both player and enemy scorecards.
        6. Repeat until either the enemy or the player dies.
    3. Player will always encounter a fight upon hitting a goal point and can only win at the final goal point upon defeating the enemy there. Enemies at goal points will have double base damage.

I kept the game deliberately open-ended so I could change rules around depending on how much time I'm alloted to play. One could also add numerous other features easily, like shops to exchange potions or treasures to straight upgrades, enemies having multiple abilities during fights, etc.

I had a whole notebook of these games in school but they are sadly all long gone, shuffled around in various moves and slipping through the cracks. As such, the rules presented here are just my own recollection, as I cannot remember the specific values for things like enemies. I know there was an opossum and bear enemy. They may have all been woodland critters. They all were stored in a chart in the back of the book with jokey illustrations to go with.

I don't think I ever played this game with other people, though some friends did take a passing interest in it. They were more interested in the computer games I would make and show off at school. A rat farming-themed clicker game was quite popular, even among kids I had never met. I would find different ways to circumvent the school's network blocking games, like sneaking them in Google Docs or e-mails. Good times :)

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